Lindsay and Me
Lindsay Lohan is a lot like me. She keeps doing stupid things. She lost a Chanel bag carrying ten thousand dollars in cash. I have been paying thirty-six dollars for my computer line every month for fifteen years. This became unnecessary when the office installed DSL thirteen years ago. That amounts to about fifty-six hundred, or five thousand, six hundred dollars that I have paid by mistake. I’m sure Lindsay would grok. For you texters that’s short for empathize.
Now you might ask, “Why?” I ask that too. Did someone forget to tell me I no longer needed this? I am quite certain that if someone had told me I no longer needed to pay thirty-six dollars for my personal computer line every month, I would have cancelled the service. But no one told me. Maybe I was on vacation or missed the office meeting when the DSL announcement was made. I’m going to call Lindsay for her advice. Her Chanel bag was found but the money was missing. I’m sure she’ll have some good ideas about how to get reimbursed for tragic errors.
Unfortunately, I am not like Lindsay. I don’t get paid bazillions to act, sing, look gorgeous, get DUIs and pose for Playboy. Pity. If I looked like her, I would. At sixty-three, it’s unlikely. But if she keeps making stupid mistakes, like me, she’ll age quicker than I did. I was a child of the sixties. Times are faster now.
My advice to Linday: “Slow down honey. Stash that cash in something besides your Chanel bag. Look out for the 2-much-fun-stuff. It can clobber you. Keep breathing and call me when you want to buy a house. We have a lot in common.”